8 December 2013
A day i have expected before, my gf would read this blog. Somehow, we have discussion, kind of discussion that i really want but wait for suitable time but my gf managed to break this puzzle out. Discussion about major dilemma for me, a burn-out and seldom feeling being unappreciated but i know top priority is loving myself first. For the sake of many, sacrifice of one or few is needed. Balance is needed for this relationship, i don't want repeat this same mistake by my parent, the consequences of troubles from this. I have observes this. the root causes never benefit both person. Perhaps, you don't fit the shoes i wearing, my sisters wearing. we, kind of victim from this root trying to search a better life. we have feel shamed among people. we don't have house to live. an unacceptable mistakes. hence, in bottom our heart, we want become different . I learnt mistakes from them and i don't wish to repeat it. even a slightly bias degree will change the course.
Sometimes, frequently..when she silent and i just do all talking..suddenly, there is thoughts comes out from my mind and a strong feeling of suspicious.. "is she interested with what i talking?', "am i a boring person?", "is she just silent because sympathy because i have no one to talk?.." or "is she just silent because i'm lesser social with people.."i have observes this trends ..quietly,still i feel much unappreciated..she never ask me, how my day..how am i doing..first person to say good morning or questions that can make me strong again to return her love..and i realize i giving too much but receive very less..this is wrong, not harmony...unbalance.
from discussion, my gf mention the feeling she have now, the insecure feeling. now, that feeling that make me react like this. that feeling make me insecure, afraid of the future. what in future, she go for further study..left me behind alone..what if when she meet new man there, what if i meet new woman in future..uncertainty of future have more expectations that i need to be ready..even we married before, the risks still there.
"A feeling is comes out naturally, no one should be blamed for having their feeling"
Sometimes, frequently..when she silent and i just do all talking..suddenly, there is thoughts comes out from my mind and a strong feeling of suspicious.. "is she interested with what i talking?', "am i a boring person?", "is she just silent because sympathy because i have no one to talk?.." or "is she just silent because i'm lesser social with people.."i have observes this trends ..quietly,still i feel much unappreciated..she never ask me, how my day..how am i doing..first person to say good morning or questions that can make me strong again to return her love..and i realize i giving too much but receive very less..this is wrong, not harmony...unbalance.
from discussion, my gf mention the feeling she have now, the insecure feeling. now, that feeling that make me react like this. that feeling make me insecure, afraid of the future. what in future, she go for further study..left me behind alone..what if when she meet new man there, what if i meet new woman in future..uncertainty of future have more expectations that i need to be ready..even we married before, the risks still there.
"A feeling is comes out naturally, no one should be blamed for having their feeling"
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