im way to naive

i don't know to express myself way better but i feel i don't guilty.

before this, i don't have lot of friends and i longing to have friends for enjoy and fun. i looks around my friend or people, how come they easily becomes friend with one another. i want to be like them but i struggle to open up myself..im not shy..i'm afraid to open up myself..especially when i had gf before..i have wonderful gf but i think in future..what if in marriage, i'm not good in social with people..i should mix more with people, so that people not look at me anti social or awkward person and make my girl uneasy. i don't want to be like that but i wonder why i feel very struggles to get start. maybe i naive, want to be friend anybody. i pushed myself to talk with people. somehow after talk, i feel this deep embarassment within myself for open up myself. i believes it maybe 1st step.

Maybe i naive becomes friend with girl where i hanged out twice only in kl without my gf knowledge. i afraid to tell her about this. i afraid she think that i go cheat on her. i afraid she do not understand my situation.

Maybe i naive reaasure her that i love her more. i way too naive about love